What does it mean to have a toxic relationship?
It means you are drinking a poison which is killing you slowly. But you must know that your relationship is not giving you poison. You are creating poison from it and drinking it daily.
In my article about attachment disorders, I have said that a lot of people think that their problems are holding them but this is not true. The truth is they are holding their problems. You can leave something which you are holding but the only thing which stops a person from dropping something is the word- ‘attachment’. People love their problems so much that they can’t live without it. You might think this is hilarious but this is how a lot of people are.
Stop being a victim
Helen Keller said- ‘I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet’.
It is very easy to play the victim card and deceive yourself. Let me tell you an anecdote which will make you understand what it means to deceive ourselves.
A few days ago I was talking to my cousin sister when she visited my house. She was not doing what she must do in her life. So I asked her, why you’re not doing what is needed to be done?
I made her see the consequences if she will continue to work half-heartedly. But still she was not giving her one hundred percent.
She replied- ‘Bhaiya (brother) why you are wasting your time on me? I’m a very big loser’.
I said STOP. Your mind is coming up with brilliant ideas to avoid work. Your mind is telling you all this so that you don’t have to do what is needed to be done.
Is your mind working against you
Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev, who is an Indian mystic said- ‘When your intelligence will start working against you then no force in this cosmos can save you’.
You can clearly see that my cousin sister’s mind was working against her.
Never allow your mind to work against you. It must always work for you.
Are You Smart?
For a smart person, there is no stopping. Everything that is thrown at us can be used as a stepping stone. Let us suppose you are driving and suddenly you see that the road is blocked because of some maintenance work. Now, what you will do? The answer is simple you will change your way.
There are a lot of people who don’t know how to change their way. The adjustment doesn’t mean compromise. It means you’re smart enough to change your way. You are not changing your destination. The ability to change your way is called flexibility.
A lot of people complained that my spouse, partner or relatives are very selfish and mean. If you have too much problem then you can leave them and stay alone. Will you be happy after that? A lot of people who complain about others will suffer immensely when they will become alone. This is a fact.
There is nothing constant in this world excluding constant change. A lot of people cry when their plan ‘A’ fails because they do not know how to change their approach. Anything unexpected can happen in our life. We can either cry or learn to change our approach. No one is telling you to change your destination.
Staying in a family teaches us how to become flexible. You can learn a lot from your relationships. This flexibility or wisdom will help you succeed in your life.
So what does it mean to have a toxic relationship? The answer is there is no such thing, for a smart person. A person who knows how to adjust without compromising is a wise person indeed. This person is indomitable. There is no doubt about that.
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